Hey buddy here is your drink

Running for Health

A trainer said "Running is an amazingly satisfying experience. You can start with walking, and continue jogging. It can be race running. But at every level, it offers an opportunity for fun, for fitness, for thought, for contemplation and for achievement.

Running gives you time to observe the world around you. It gives you time to observe yourself, your body and your mind. It lets you work out in your head things that you are thinking about, stresses you have been experiencing during your day. It provides an excuse for that invaluable “alone time” that you need during your day.

And with some proper stretching, strengthening and careful attention to your body, you can run injury free and feel better. You will find that you have more energy and feel a greater sense of alertness."

Ways to participate:

Intramurals - Pumpkin run, track meet
Sport Clubs - Marathon
Informal Recreation - jogging/running tracks, treadmills.

No good deed goes unpunished

Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Charitable Lawyer

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he g ot out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

We don't have any money for food," the man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other man he stated, "You come with us too."

The second man said, in a pleading voice, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!"

Hearing aids

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he washing the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's
for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
;
;
;
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think,
could be very much within us..!

Dear John

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila Andy


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

John

The Office language !!

"We will do it"
Means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
Means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
Means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
Means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
Means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight miscommunication"
Means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
Means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
Means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
Means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on Time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
Means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
Means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
Means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
Means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
Means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
Means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
Means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
Means
" You are in trouble"

Stress Reliever

Stress Reliever #1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the
night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At
2 am?! "
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What wer e you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 9
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Stress Reliever # 10
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man yo u are
sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!

Stress Reliever # 11
Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S . ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.

Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or
my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.

Stress Reliever # 13
Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you
having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.